Create a Positive, Happy Life by Sue Courtney

Whenever we set ourselves a goal or say we want something it is because we believe that it will make us happier – no matter whether it is losing weight, moving house, changing job, going on holiday ….. the intention is always to make us happier.

In reality, this is putting the cart before the horse. It is much easier to achieve anything if, first, you have decided to be happy – but that is another article. So, for this week I offer some tips to help the happiness along.

The coaching bit

Last time I wrote about diminishing the impact of the irritating demon that says you can’t achieve your goals, taking 100% responsibility for your life and doing something to make you happy every day.

Now I have some more ideas to help you achieve success and have fun along the way.

We are, as a species, very good at focusing on what is wrong and finding fault. We are less good at looking at the positives, so this week I want to share some tips that will help to help rewire your brain to focus on how good life is already.

A timely reminder to live your life now – you just never know when time will run out! Photo by Alan Dent.

The first activity I would like to suggest is keeping a daily ‘success log’. In a specially chosen book that you will look forward to using, note at least five things that went well during each day. This is a very powerful activity as it enhances your self esteem and builds confidence. It also gets you into the habit of looking for things going right, thereby changing your focus to the good and positive aspects of each day. By recalling and writing down all of your successes, both big and small, you are wiring them into your long-term memory. On days when you need a boost you can re-read your entries and remind yourself that your life is actually a lot better than you think.

Another exercise is to use the back of the book to make a note of all the successes you have had over your lifetime – all the awards, certificates, achievements and compliments that you have collected over your life so far. Start at the very beginning, when you were a small child, and move year-by-year to the present day. Include things like dancing certificates, exams passed, jobs you have had, challenging events that you have  overcome – everything. This will remind you of how successful and amazing you actually are and always have been.

The mirror exercise works on the principle that we all need acknowledgement and the acknowledgement we give ourselves is the most important. You may feel silly doing this and I suggest doing it behind closed doors or when nobody else is around.

Basically, you stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself how great you are and appreciate all your achievements for the day.

You have to say it out loud!

This is usually quite challenging because self-congratulation is not a very British thing to do. But if it helps to build confidence in your ability to achieve results and change your life, it is certainly worth a try.

Lastly, for this week, have you tried ‘acting as-if’ you already are the successful ‘you’ who has achieved your goals?

When you are faced with temptation, a low mood, or a difficult situation, ask yourself,

“What would the successful me, who has achieved the goals, do in this situation?”

Then do whatever comes to mind – just as you would if you were that successful you (which you are, but have just temporarily forgotten). By developing the habit of taking action you will very quickly develop some of the habits of successful people and become that successful person, living your ideal life. This question has got me out of bed and motivated to take action on many occasions!

The Styling Bit

There is a new sensation sweeping the world of fashion – “Dopamine Dressing”. In essence it is fashion designed to cheer you up!

Now this isn’t exactly scientific, but there is some evidence that certain colours can lift your mood. However, the colours will be different for each individual. Personally I love to wear my yellow Dr.

 Marten boots and my silver platform trainers, they always make me feel great. (Whether you would agree that I look great when I am wearing them is another matter!)

My yellow Dr. Marten boots Photo by Alan Dent

I’m not convinced that wearing a yellow or silver dress would have the same effect on my happiness levels – no, I am actually convinced that I would look and feel dreadful! For me it has to do with wearing colours that I know flatter my skintone and make me look my best. I have given up on wearing colours that I like but don’t like me.

My silver platform trainers Photo by Alan Dent

When I do a Wardrobe De-Tox for clients I assess their colouring and advise on the colours that suit them best showing them why, very visually, in the mirror. However, if you don’t want to go to the trouble of having a complete wardrobe overhaul (which is very cost effective and great fun) I can recommend finding a local “Colour Me Beautiful” consultant and finding out which colours are in your personal colour palette.

I firmly believe that if you know that you are looking your best then your mood will automatically lift, you will feel happier and more confident. So, yes I believe clothes and the colours you wear can have an effect on your mood and make you happier.

What are your favourite colours that always make you feel wonderful?

If you are having challenges with your goals then please drop me an email, I would be happy to offer some advice. I would also love to hear about your amazing achievements this year.

Next time, I have yet more tips to help you achieve  your goals, or get you back on track if you have had a little lapse. I will also ponder the issue of ‘age appropriate dressing’! (Have a guess about what someone who wears yellow Dr. Marten’s or silver platform trainers might think.)

Mind Map Your Way To Success – by Sue Courtney

So, If you are happy that you have written down all the goals you need right now (using the 4Ps), it is time to take action to create the life of your dreams.

Check your written goals to ensure they are sufficiently specific. A target weight is really necessary for weight loss goals, the specific make, model and colour is needed for a car, but for a house it might be better to state where you think you might like to live and focus on the feel of the home, leaving out the details (which can be put on your vision board). For my house goal I have worded it to say

“I am so happy and grateful to live in my wonderful sanctuary of a home where I enjoy frequently entertaining family, friends and clients and do wonderful, well paid work” because that is what I want. It covers all my requirements and leaves me open to how it is interpreted.

Hopefully you are visualizing and feeling the achievement of your goals daily and creating a vision board – always a work in progress as images are added and removed according to your current requirements.

The next step is to mind map the actions you will take to achieve them – because action is required. This is where the magic really begins.

On separate sheets of paper, write each goal in a circle in the centre of the page. Now chunk it down.

You are going to mind map all the actions you will need to take to achieve your goal and put them in circles around the centre circle. Join these actions to the centre goal, and also to each other if they relate, with a line. Then number each step in the order you will need to achieve them, maybe with dates to keep you on track. Put the dates in your diary and begin to take the first step today!

My mind map to create my book and CD set.

Photo by Alan Dent

It may be that you need to take a course or courses, so put that in a circle, plus the step of researching what course, where it is held and when it takes place. You may need to find extra money, do research on the internet or read some books. List all the steps.

Last week I mentioned experiencing your goal before achievement if possible – by taking the car for a test drive or viewing houses. This might be one of your steps on your mind map. It is often possible to do this for a job by asking if you might be able to shadow the person in your ideal job, for a day. If you fancy working in the film industry, why not join an extras company and spend a few days as an extra or a runner to see whether this really is the industry for you?

Once you have got your mind maps completed do all you can to stay on track. However, life will always throw up the unexpected – extra steps to be added to the plan that you initially had no idea about. That’s fine. Re-assess your priorities, slot the new steps into your schedule and push on to success!

The next tip for successful achievement of your goal is to step out of your comfort zone. This may feel safe but it is your worst enemy! If you want to achieve something you have never achieved before you are going to have to do things you have never done before – and this means venturing outside what feels safe and familiar.

Live here

Comfort Zone                                        Stretch Zone                                             Panic Zone

So, every day, do something different to get yourself used to feeling stretched. It doesn’t matter how small – maybe take a different route to work, try a different drink or meal, read a different genre of book – anything to get those stretch-zone muscles working for the important steps you need to take to achieve your goals. I’m sure you are familiar with the saying

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

You will have to become a different person and do different things to achieve your goals – if you could achieve them in your comfort zone you would already have done so!

I have this on my wall to remind me to be bold and try new things!

Photo by Alan Dent

Sometimes action steps will feel they are beyond your ‘stretch zone’ and in your ‘panic zone’. That is fine, they can still be tackled. You just need to chunk it down. Take steps back from the goal until you reach a step that feels like a stretch and do it. Then work out another small step and do that. In this way you will get there and still feel safe. If you are not sure whether you can do it, take the advice of Zig Ziglar:

“Go as far as you can see and you will see further.”

In this way, in small steps you change your stretch zone to your comfort zone and gradually bring your panic zone into your stretch zone. It is surprising how quickly you can achieve this.

I have done this on many occasions. When I first accepted a place on Jack Canfield’s Success Principles course I was so far out of my comfort zone it was a mere dot on the horizon! Now I am comfortable having coaches and mentors. I have moved my achievements out of my panic zone and into my comfort zone by taking action.

Make friends with your ‘stretch zone’ and it will enable you to do amazing things - in the words of Nike “Just Do It!”

Robin Sharma (author of “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” and other amazing books) offers this advice

“Dream big. Start small. Act now.”

I will share more tips next time, including how to deal with that voice we all have that tells us we can’t achieve things – because you really can!

I would love to hear what your goals are and what steps you are taking to achieve them, so please email me with your progress and any questions you may have.