Create a Positive, Happy Life by Sue Courtney

Whenever we set ourselves a goal or say we want something it is because we believe that it will make us happier – no matter whether it is losing weight, moving house, changing job, going on holiday ….. the intention is always to make us happier.

In reality, this is putting the cart before the horse. It is much easier to achieve anything if, first, you have decided to be happy – but that is another article. So, for this week I offer some tips to help the happiness along.

The coaching bit

Last time I wrote about diminishing the impact of the irritating demon that says you can’t achieve your goals, taking 100% responsibility for your life and doing something to make you happy every day.

Now I have some more ideas to help you achieve success and have fun along the way.

We are, as a species, very good at focusing on what is wrong and finding fault. We are less good at looking at the positives, so this week I want to share some tips that will help to help rewire your brain to focus on how good life is already.

A timely reminder to live your life now – you just never know when time will run out! Photo by Alan Dent.

The first activity I would like to suggest is keeping a daily ‘success log’. In a specially chosen book that you will look forward to using, note at least five things that went well during each day. This is a very powerful activity as it enhances your self esteem and builds confidence. It also gets you into the habit of looking for things going right, thereby changing your focus to the good and positive aspects of each day. By recalling and writing down all of your successes, both big and small, you are wiring them into your long-term memory. On days when you need a boost you can re-read your entries and remind yourself that your life is actually a lot better than you think.

Another exercise is to use the back of the book to make a note of all the successes you have had over your lifetime – all the awards, certificates, achievements and compliments that you have collected over your life so far. Start at the very beginning, when you were a small child, and move year-by-year to the present day. Include things like dancing certificates, exams passed, jobs you have had, challenging events that you have  overcome – everything. This will remind you of how successful and amazing you actually are and always have been.

The mirror exercise works on the principle that we all need acknowledgement and the acknowledgement we give ourselves is the most important. You may feel silly doing this and I suggest doing it behind closed doors or when nobody else is around.

Basically, you stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself how great you are and appreciate all your achievements for the day.

You have to say it out loud!

This is usually quite challenging because self-congratulation is not a very British thing to do. But if it helps to build confidence in your ability to achieve results and change your life, it is certainly worth a try.

Lastly, for this week, have you tried ‘acting as-if’ you already are the successful ‘you’ who has achieved your goals?

When you are faced with temptation, a low mood, or a difficult situation, ask yourself,

“What would the successful me, who has achieved the goals, do in this situation?”

Then do whatever comes to mind – just as you would if you were that successful you (which you are, but have just temporarily forgotten). By developing the habit of taking action you will very quickly develop some of the habits of successful people and become that successful person, living your ideal life. This question has got me out of bed and motivated to take action on many occasions!

The Styling Bit

There is a new sensation sweeping the world of fashion – “Dopamine Dressing”. In essence it is fashion designed to cheer you up!

Now this isn’t exactly scientific, but there is some evidence that certain colours can lift your mood. However, the colours will be different for each individual. Personally I love to wear my yellow Dr.

 Marten boots and my silver platform trainers, they always make me feel great. (Whether you would agree that I look great when I am wearing them is another matter!)

My yellow Dr. Marten boots Photo by Alan Dent

I’m not convinced that wearing a yellow or silver dress would have the same effect on my happiness levels – no, I am actually convinced that I would look and feel dreadful! For me it has to do with wearing colours that I know flatter my skintone and make me look my best. I have given up on wearing colours that I like but don’t like me.

My silver platform trainers Photo by Alan Dent

When I do a Wardrobe De-Tox for clients I assess their colouring and advise on the colours that suit them best showing them why, very visually, in the mirror. However, if you don’t want to go to the trouble of having a complete wardrobe overhaul (which is very cost effective and great fun) I can recommend finding a local “Colour Me Beautiful” consultant and finding out which colours are in your personal colour palette.

I firmly believe that if you know that you are looking your best then your mood will automatically lift, you will feel happier and more confident. So, yes I believe clothes and the colours you wear can have an effect on your mood and make you happier.

What are your favourite colours that always make you feel wonderful?

If you are having challenges with your goals then please drop me an email, I would be happy to offer some advice. I would also love to hear about your amazing achievements this year.

Next time, I have yet more tips to help you achieve  your goals, or get you back on track if you have had a little lapse. I will also ponder the issue of ‘age appropriate dressing’! (Have a guess about what someone who wears yellow Dr. Marten’s or silver platform trainers might think.)

30 Complaint-Free Days 

Day 4

A much better day for complaining. I do believe that the only complaining I did was to myself about myself, which is interesting.

I have been able to accept everything else from everyone else - but not myself.

I suspect most people are the same - kinder to others than they are to themselves. I have read about the way we wouldn't speak to anyone else in the same way we speak to ourselves - and I am doing just that. I am complaining about so many things that I do and how I do them. I eat too much, drink too little water, don't do all the jobs on my list .....

I could go on.

So I clearly need to work out a way to develop tolerance to the fact that I am not perfect and I am doing my best. I wonder how best to do this?

They say that people should talk to themselves in the same way they would talk to a dear friend and be as kind and patient as they would be with that friend. It makes sense because if we can't be our own best friend and show others how to treat us then we can't expect others to treat us well.

I still need to be a little more disciplined though. Trouble is, I am ultra-disciplined when I am working (i would never be able to get to work by 7am or get anything done if I wasn't) but when I am not at work routine and discipline go right out of the window! Hmm.

That needs a bit more contemplation.

On a positive note, my Fitbit seems to be working well. I have done over 20,000 steps over the last 2 days and it doesn't automatically skip to distance now, which is good. I'm still not convinced that it isn't counting my typing and cooking as steps, but we shall see.

And, I came up with a 'recipe' for my own gluten-free cauliflower cheese grills today to use up some leftover cauliflower mash. They were delicious. I will develop the recipe further, but the first attempt was an accidental  success.

Onwards and upwards.

30 Complaint-Free Days 

Day 2

Day 2 began well. 

I have been pondering ways to make being complaint-free an easier option and so far I have come up with 2 strategies to help.

1. Feeling grateful. It isn't possible to be critical, judgemental or complaining when feeling grateful.
2. Doing things that make me happy.

So I have used these 2 strategies throughout the day to help.

In fact I used strategy 2 last night after I had posted my first update. I signed up for a 12 week course of Tribal Fusion Belly Dancing! Woohoo! I am so excited. The course doesn't begin until September, but it should be so much fun and is something I have wanted to do for some time. I prioritised my happiness on this issue and it feels good.

Challenge 1 came when driving - traffic jams, traffic lights and other irritations. So I let people go in front of me where possible, took my favourite route along the seafront because I had time and remembered to be grateful that I wasn't in a hurry to be anywhere.

I had my hair cut - always a fun thing to do. I always enjoy my chat with Amy, my hairdresser and the rest of the crew. Today Amy had a tickle in her throat and cough she hadn't been able to shift which I could see it was getting to be a problem for her. So, after paying I popped into the local supermarket and bought her a bottle of honey and a bottle of lemon so she could try that combination in hot water to see if it helped. I dropped it into her before going to the car. She was so surprised which made me happy! 

I had lots of other successes in the course of the day - I managed to get a fitbit that I hadn't been able to get for a few weeks (I have no idea how to set it up and use it, but when it is working it will help me move more and get in at least 10,000 steps most days. I am 60 so keeping fit is a priority for me.) I signed up with a new dentist and  made an appointment, I chatted to people and had a few laughs. Life was fun.

I did some knitting - I made 6 little bees (picture of them when complete later in the week), I did some exercise on my exercise bike and watered the plants in the garden - the water butt is now full again thanks to the rain. I really love the evening ritual of watering the pots and checking out the growth. There is another chilli that will be ready for picking by the weekend. 

Yes, I was beginning to complain when I was stuck behind some slow-moving people in the supermarket but I remembered to be grateful that I am able to move quickly and easily. It also reminded me that I could probably do with relaxing and slowing down a bit - after all, I am on holiday.

So far, so good. I am enjoying the challenge and the happy results.